This is my brain on Garbage 2.0

I started my first mural. At about 11 pm (the 30th) I started to sketch out the tree I've been seeing in my mind for ages now. It's a giant cherry blossom tree. I didn't have the paint I thought I wanted on hand, so I grabbed my watercolors and a brush (an 8 round - which is by coincidence what I use when I do nails) and got to work.

Updated!

My TRAGIC beginnings... yes, that's for real...
Okay. So I got off my sad excuse for a butt and turned on some Garbage... it helped. I got into the shower, fixed the funk, and fixed my hair... oh yes, and my face. You want proof, do ya?

Post Shower - checking out my body... just in case it changed...

With my face and hair done... the kids are now asking where I'm going... why to the counselor of course!!

Oh yes, a Prozac is stuck in my throat, melting. I can't get enough water down to make that burning feeling go away! AAARGH! But I should be good in a few hours... Life without Prozac wouldn't be the same!

Feeling FRICKIN AWESOME..... NOT!!!!

CHEESE AND RICE! This is just not my day. I figure I need a medication adjustment - or perhaps a life adjustment. Something feels so off and I just can't seem to put my finger on it. I can tell you how I know something is off... because I would really like to have a Rum and Coke. There, I said it. I would really like to be tipsy and laughing half naked down the street - much to my neighbors horror - but I'm in just a funky strange spot right now. Thank God I get to go talk to my counselor today. Seriously - I expect you to open up your mouths and Thank God for me because I have a cherry flavored candy cane stuck in my mouth and I might sound sarcastic or ungrateful if I do it.

Aubrey came up the stair with a bag ripped from it's cereal box today. It was - of course - my favorite cereal ever.... Cookie Crisp - fetched from the top shelf in my pantry. She proceeded to throw the bag into bed with me, and let me have breakfast in bed... or so I thought. Then rolled out the demand, filled with screaming, "I WAAANT CEEEE-REALLLLL!" - I am not kidding.

I stood at the fridge, after hauling my carcass downstairs, thinking, there must be something good to eat in here, and no. There wasn't. It was just a dead pig still in a crockpot and last nights leftovers - and that's about it. Oh yes, and the ever famous - "I don't ever expire" Condiments! I took a big drink from the half empty milk carton, and then poured my kids cereal and milk. Yeah, I did... but I don't normally do this. But it's been a rum and coke sort of day.

Damn! My cherry candy cane is gone... Now what? Another trip downstairs for another one? No! I will call the kids to bring me the box... at only 45 calories per candy cane I can eat the entire box and still have 500 calories to blow.

*sobs*

There is just so much "wrong" and I'm pissed off I can't figure out what it is... my radar is off getting it's Security Updates for the new Vista version... or whatever. That sounded like I really own a radar... but I don't.

I need a vacation. Long one. No husband or kids. And hot gay men to wait on me because I know they won't be looking at me as a piece of - well you know what....

It's a Sublime 'Bad Fish' sort of mood right now. I was singing the song in my head downstairs... it just felt right... I remember singing those songs with Robin back in the day... silly... but Sublime has a way of making it "allll right".....

So maybe I can fire up my iTunes and get some Sublime rolling and perk up this crappy mood... I need Gretchen back from Seattle, Judy to not have her husband at home so I can sit and visit, and Mandy to get pregnant so she can stay at home and visit with me... and Amy to - I don't know... to dip something in chocolate for me... and ummm... take a freaking holiday picture of me in this great fan-freakin-tastick mood. Yeah. That.

Okay, now I think I will just fall asleep to Brad-leee-uhhh singing. Yeah, that.

** update at 12:53 - Caress Me Down did the job... I'm laughing out loud and actually considering getting up to dance to this like I did in the good ol' days

Update

Just so you know, we DO have a fake tree. We do not have a stand for it as Molly crapped in it and chewed it up while serving time in the garage as her barking caused the neighbor - in the darker tan house - to call the police. The tree smelled bad too. It's been in storage for two years... so I think it was just STALE!

Real trees - I've bought them from the Apple Valley Target (in California) for the last two or three years and they last like MAGIC! No problems. This one came from Lowes and it crapped out on us in NO TIME! P-O-S- anyway...

So, yeah. I just woke up at 10 am after a long night of babies crawling in my bed to sleep with me while they're sick... *sigh* At least Aubrey is still sleeping and breathing through her nose, right?

Ummm... I had some strange - no - BIZARRE dreams last night. I mean, yeah... so real and vivid. I don't know how that happens to be the case, but apparently I'm doing something wrong/right to get the dream to be THAT alive...

Now, if I really won that darned lotto.... WHOO!

My Ring, The Tree and The Crunchy Car

That's an upclose to show the detailing on the sides of the ring...
The Ring - Yes, it's real sapphires, and diamonds folks... The band has three sapphires, one for each of my children... :) Awww, I know... The center stone is just a smidge over 1/2 carat

SEE? MY FREAKING TREE DIED BEFORE CHRISTMAS! It was so stupid, just hanging there... I am SO GLAD it's out on the porch. The stupid thing was always watered, but never seemed to drink... And yes, we did have the bottom fresh cut or whatever that's called.

Last night, my new Jetta suffered a boo-boo. I was breaking downhill, behind Jason, and started honking like 20' away from him and... yeah, well, my front left fender is now the new owner to a crunch spot. I am determined to wait this one out, who knows what the rest of the season may bring....? GAH!

Exchanged and Upgraded!

We went to Jared's yesterday and after browsing the store for over an hour, I found a new band to set my current 1/2 Carat stone in. It's gorgeous! Square sapphires, kite set on either side, and it's an antique-y look... and I love it. I was so lucky as to get the band for more than 60% off, and got an anniversary band to go with it! The whole set, mounting included was 799.99 and the first payment isn't due until Feb 14th! WHOO!

Alrightie then, So now that I'm happy, there's not much else to chatter about. It's snowing like mad here and I hope it lets up... I'm not a fan of all this white stuff.

I know what it is...

It's not that the ring is too gaudy... well, maybe a titch, but I can't see wearing my grandmothers ring next to that one, anytime soon. And I don't feel like giving it up. That's just a special peice of my grandma's love that I carry with me. I dunno.

Today, as one of my Christmas presents I recieved from my mother, was the framed portrait of my grandma I've been asking for, for a while now. When I opened it, I sobbed. For a good minute at least. I finally have something to stare at to remind me of her youth and vibrance...

I also enjoy the David Cook CD I got for Christmas from Jason. It's actually really really good! I listened to that while making Christmas dinner today.

Anyway - I'm off to go explain myself to Jason... I'll let you know how that goes.

Christmas Morning

So, this morning, the kids slept in until 7:30 - at which time I fired up the laptop and web cam and had Nana here via web cam... It was cool to see the kids so excited about Christmas this year.

I got the most - ummm - unexpected present this year, and I hope I can take it back for something I really really love. Jason went and bought me a 1K total weight - Chocolate Diamond ring in strawberry gold. It's pretty, but it's just not my flavor... I dunno how to break it to him. *sigh* I'm such a simple person and this screams gaudy. If he gets a report card on thought - he scores an A but for the sheer fact that it's not "me" - then um, yeah, I dunno. He said it was the only one the store would get, that it's got a certificate of authenticity and it's numbered. (Only so many were made) *sigh*

This is more my flavor

Well... I've made my dinner rolls from scratch this morning, got around to deviled eggs, I have a pumpkin roll in the fridge and a pumpkin pie, the ham is in the crockpot, and all I really need to do is mashed potatoes and gravy... The cranberry apple salad has been done since Monday or Tuesday, because it has to sit for so long in juices, so I can't WAIT to eat some of that!

Merry Christmas ya'll!

Love Amy

Christmas Eve

I am sitting at my laptop in the living room, staring at our dead christmas tree on occasion and then get sad. My dog is now in the arms of his new owner in California, and my grandma is gone this Christmas, watching us from the other side.

I'm going to make pizza dough in a few hours so we can have the Bowker tradition here. Hopefully we've done enough this year to make the memories happy and the feelings of Christmas present.

*sigh*

Off to be creative or something today...

I will blog better tomorrow....

last night, I didn't sleep more than 3 hours, and right now I am EXHAUSTED. I am turning in for the night, hopefully without having to keep the ear open for the random and sporadic hurlers!

I will post the video of the Ghetto Santa at the Karcher Mall tomorrow... if you live in the Treasure Valley, don't waste your time there... Boise Town Square is the place to go... That Santa speaks English and at least acts happy to see your kids....

Cleaning and Crafty

So today I spent a good hour sweeping and mopping my kitchen floor. With the mud that comes through the back door, it's feeling like a most impossible battle to win, but I've gotta try to keep up as much as I can.

I made a batch of rolls today to see if they'll be good for Christmas dinner... I hope so. I got the cranberry apple salad stuff done, so it's just waiting for Christmas day... Lets hope it lasts that long!

The kids are all crabby and cross today. I guess the side effects of having the flu? I dunno... but it stinks and I'm gonna be a worn out mommy come Christmas day.

I found the webcam last night and the kids were able to talk to their nana virtually and boy! Was it ever interesting! Faith would get up to the camera, really close and stare in the lens, so my mom could see her eye, and she'd holler into the camera's microphone and make obscenely loud - LOUD noises... Ahhh - the fun of the holidays.

I can say I have a lot more done today than I would have expected. I've got lots of laundry done, not put away yet, though folded, and I'm proud to report, I have a sink that's EMPTY. I admit, I've been in a depression and pulling out is pretty hard. The thing I think that keeps me from dwelling too long on the sad stuff is trying to make new memories for ourselves. Create new experiences that foster feelings of joy and creativity.

This Christmas, I paid homage to my grandma by allowing the kids to kind of do their own thing when it came to wrapping, gift giving, and decorating. They're happy when they get to keep their hands busy... so that's good. Grace came to thank me last night for letting her do crafts. "It's been a long time since we crafted mom, that was a lot of fun, thanks." All over something as simple as a paper chain...

I think what we've got is the 24 hour bug... cause Aubrey looks okay, but I still won't trust her out in pub-lick...

Happy Holidays guys!

Now I know why....

Aubrey puked at 3:21 this morning... so um... yeah. The whole up thing, I was up to clean up vomit... *sigh* What a holiday season this is turning out to be... and the snow, hasn't stopped. It's easily 2' deep in front of my house and in the street... *geesh*

Paranoid over Dying!

I have an appointment, or TWO tomorrow in Boise. I think that a trip there in the early morning hours might wind up in tragedy for my dear VW... but wait... I could get out of that car an into a different one perhaps if I did wreck... but then I don't want to feel crummy for Christmas or be without a car... so scratch that. I will just stay awake until I cannot anymore and then leave it to God. If I am supposed to travel tomorrow, the 1.5 foot snow embankment/drift in the street and in front of my driveway will disappear... I hope? THERE IS NO SIDEWALK! NO SIGN OF THE STREET! *sobs* What do I DO?!


Gah!

I wish my brain would shut up. There are some days it just won't stop going and going! I caught up on my dishes, thank you, and most of the laundry... a whooo hoo! but still waiting for me to calm down and go to bed.

I am sure somewhere in me is deep rooted anxiety for a fill tomorrow. I don't want to be miserable during the holidays and with the way the last fills went, I ummm... yeah, not so sure I'm going to like them ever ever ever ever - did I mention ever? - EVER again.

Bleh.

So there. I hope that whatever my brain needed to think through got left on this blog, I'd like to sleep, eventually...

Linking It Together

Tonight I decided I'd take a tradition from the pages of James E. Faust's life and make a paper chain with flour glue and newspaper ads. The ads, because of the Christmas season, are all generally in Christmas colors, and were cheap to work with.


Grace and I made a huge chain while Aubrey and dad watched Faith make a mess... She has flour glue all down her legs, in a pile on the floor, and up her arms... it was too cute. I hope you enjoy the pictures of a new Prather family tradition.



Oh yes, and a progress picture! I'm getting skinny... but my hair is a freaking mess! Sorry...

Traditions...

I got to thinking a lot about traditions this year, especially now that we're on our own up here in Idaho, and have to carry on whatever traditions we can to make it feel like we're not really all alone.

Today I made the traditional cranberry apple salad.... well, at least started it. I remember having it at every Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I felt really good about this batch as I used a food processer to grind up the apples and berries and it turned out to a recognizable consistency from what my mother produces. They are soaking in sugar as we speak, so whoo! I hope it turns out well.

I'm working on starting brand new traditions for my own family. I thought that I'd love to help the kids come up with ideas about what we can do to make the holidays our own. I'd love to keep up with the ideas my family.... and incorporate them with my new stuff.

Hrmmm... what else? I can't rememeber what else I was going to write... Maybe later!

Enriching activities after Enrichment

So, my neighbor and friend, JUDY, and I went out to Ross for a Safari adventure... at least that's what it looked like while we were rummaging through the racks of gaudy clothing and trinkets. I must admit, if this Ross were in Las Vegas, they would have a hard time staying stocked. Look at the treasures we found!


SKINNY LEGS! DO YOU SEE THAT?! SKINNY! The shirt was a kids size LARGE! KIDS!

Sorry Judy, this is probably not the best shot, but she was doing a great impersonation of a ho... we just needed a pimp! LOL

I think I wore this dress around for at least 10 minutes over my neck... It was hysterical to see the people stare. I was definately needing a pimp, but Judy is my superior... I look illegal to be a hooker, and Judy, well, at least she looks 18... I guess I'll have to give it some time before I can take up hookering!

This is Mandy's birthday present next year... complete with gaudy golden cleavage ring, and ruffle bottom! WOOOOT!

Yummy Christmas Cookies!

Thanks to my fellow Webelos leader, Sarah, I was introduced to these delightful, wonderfully unique cookies... YOU MUST TRY THEM!

PIE CRUST COOKIES
2 cups all-purpose flour
3 tablespoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup cold vegetable shortening
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) cold unsalted butter, cut into bits
1 teaspoon lemon juice or cider vinegar
5 to 6 tablespoons ice water
3 tablespoons sugar mixed with 2 teaspoons cinnamon OR coarse/raw sugar

Place flour, sugar, and salt in a mixing bowl or a food processor bowl. Mix thoroughly. Cut in shortening and butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add lemon juice or vinegar and enough ice water to make a dough that just clings together. Cover dough with plastic wrap or foil and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Roll dough our on a lightly floured board or pastry cloth to 1/8-inch thick. Cut into desired shapes. Transfer to ungreased cookie sheets. Sprinkle with cinnamon sugar or coarse sugar.

Bake in the center of the oven for 10 to 12 minutes, until golden. Remove to wire racks to cool.

Dip in fruity pie filling for maximum enjoyment!

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas!

Holy Errupting Vomit...

*cough - cough* "Mom?" *cough - cough - gag - HURRRL* "JASON! THROW HER OUT OF BED AND GET HER TO THE TOILET!"

*mumbles* "meh,flubbity-jug-bit"

"Was that even ENGLISH?! MOVE HER NOW!"

Needless to say, this morning, I was greeted with the lovely scent of putrid vomit. 'Tis the season indeed... Faith bestowed upon us stomach contents for an early Christmas present.

*sigh* Do I ever get a holiday without sick kids?

Phew

I took a sleeping pill last night and slept for 12 hours.... I really needed it. Today we made Christmas cookies and boy, that was a mess I didn't want to even touch. *sigh*

I'm tired again, just hoping to conk out here soon.

Not sure...

I couldn't begin to understand why the heck I am still awake at such an hour... there is no sign of sleep anywhere. Frustrating. If I take a sleep aid anytime after 11pm - I'm out for a good 12 hours, so I continue on. I'll likely be crabby, but don't take it personal.

This says it all...

a little more than a month ago....

*sigh*

Thank goodness for good haircuts, makeup, and fat loss!

Huge Change!

Hi guys, wanted to let you know what happened today at the doctors.

He was incredibly puzzled that I would still be in pain after only 2cc's left in my band, so he removed it all out, then checked his notes from the OR sheets. There was a bit of dead silence for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. He said that he was just talking about the last 10cc band patient he had done, it was an accident as he's mainstreaming all surgeries to the large 14cc band, but they left it in anyway... guess who got that band? ME!!

So, 4cc's was indeed WAY too aggressive of a fill for me, he said more like 1.5cc's is what should be considered aggressive for a 10cc band fill... and we get to start all over Monday, with "smaller" fills... *sigh*

All this poking around... yuck. At least I know food is moving through now, I felt it slop to the pit of my stomach once I stood up and moved a bit... so that was what caused the terrible sour stomach garbage...

See? I knew I wasn't nuts!

Off to see the surgeon

It's snowing outside and I have a trek to Boise to go see the surgeon. I hope that he can figure out or fix what's wrong...

I went in for my first fill December 1st and got 4cc's.... right off the bat. I had to go in two days later and get 1 taken out.

However, last night I started sour stomach symptoms, throwing up, the "trots", and pain in my chest after probably overdoing it while cleaning the heck out of my house. I was worried my band had slipped because on a thread from lapbandtalk.com, my symptoms were that of slippage. So, I called the docs office but my surgeon wasn't on call. A co-worker of his was and told me to go to the ER to get an unfill... but I thought it would be better to totally unfill me, and let me recouperate.

Nope.

I got there, got stuck on fluids as I hadn't had anything stay down in more than 24 hours and was barfing for 18 hours after eating cottage cheese, cheese chunks. It was terrible. They gave zofran for nausea, and the doc came in and did a terribly rough and uncomfortable unfill... yanked the needle out, shoved it in sideways, took forever.... etc. It was terrible.



I still have a pain in my chest near my collar bone and I ache like bad where the band would be, but never felt like this before, even after surgery.

Mandy- thanks for sitting with the kids... you're darling... and ummm tell Ryan to kiss the Dishes Fairy for me... Love ya!

Fierce, FIERCE, FIERCE!!!!

Okay, so I found my digital camera, HALLELUJAH! Here is my awesome "rock star" hair - as dubbed by my Webelos boy scouts!

I'm going to the dinner tonight with Judy... I have to take pictures... and no, I couldn't find/afford an ugly sweater. Go to ebay and look for ugly Christmas sweaters.... KACHING!

Well,

Here it is, just weeks before Christmas and I really don't have much for the kids. The current ways of the no-overtime market at work for Jason, and the jobless masses here in the Treasure Valley, make it difficult for even me to find work. It's a tough time, but hopefully with the kiddos being little they won't notice.

I heard back from my first literary agent. She was at least honest with me. She said that the Characters needed development... I am wondering how much more can you develop in a children's short story and keep attention? GAH! She reccomended writing classes for children... geez, thanks a ton.

I am going to go out today to find the ugliest Christmas sweater I can, I hope, at least. I had a rough start this morning with my neck/head hurting, and I can finally keep coherent and thoughts cohesive... :)

Thanks for stopping by... I hope life slows down after this very incredibly busy week of ours.

Love Ya!
AMY

Lopped Off...

Yep, my hair is lopped off and gone. I have pics on my camcorder and I'll have to get them off sooner or later, but it's gone... whoo hoo hoo!

Merry Christmas . . . or whatever you celebrate!

Not the swellest pictures this year but that's okay. If I wait til Friday to get the Santa shots sent out, no one will ever get Christmas cards! ACK! So - these will do for now.

Off to go write my Christmas newsletter thingie... my very first! WHOOOOO

I hate "whites"

And no - this isn't racist, it's actually about laundry. Being a LDS woman, married to an LDS man, you produce lots of white laundry, along with socks, in one weeks time. It drives me nuts having to sort out underwear and socks, and even worse that it feels like the chore that will never go away, wait, it won't. HA! In my dreams.

Anyway - I had a noisy head last night. It drove me nuts. Idea after idea for writing creatively. I wanted to get up with my laptop and just start writing but I knew that I'd never go to sleep. So now, I get to try to remember all that I wrote, so good luck.

Another thing, my fingers are far more efficient on my laptop now without acrylics on, so you might be seeing more of me blogging now. The fingernails caused far too many errors on the funnky new keys and so, I chewed them off last night.... Yep, I sure did... but I spit out the nails, no swallowing here.

Gah, I know I should go attempt a workout but I'm afraid if I try, I'll get a migraine from the neck activity and then will be out of commission for the rest of the night or few days at that.... so I'll just wait until tonight's festivities are over.

I've got a long busy week ahead of me... I'm scared that I won't make it out alive but that's okay... I know where I'm going just in case I don't.... LOL

It snowed this morning and I had to take Grace to the bus stop. Such a strange thing to go from snow to sleet to rain - back to snow and sleet... all in about 10 minutes time.... Bipolar weather needs some Prozac and whatnot... I wonder if they could do a drop on the sky with some crushed meds... LOL Just brain vomit, I promise, I'm not serious.

Anyway - I'm happy to report, I'm happy with where my weight is. I'm not the thinnest on the planet, but I'm not fat, and I'm fitting clothes comfortably. I will likely lose the last bit of what I want to get off in the next year, and that slow is just fine with me... mmmm-kay?

I'll get some pictures somehow. I intend to try to take some with my digital camcorder and upload them so you can see I'm not bluffing.

Off to start the day.... arrrrrgh, I'm dying already!

The last week...

it's been a rather busy one. I have a lot of firsts in this house I accomplished last week. Our first Christmas lights went up, and down, and the second set went up. I burned my first meal on the stove. I've piled probably and nearly every piece of laundry in my house to be washed. I would guess I'm sitting at easily 13 loads of wash... if I'm careful to get the washers loaded right. GAH!

I did, however, get the satisfaction of dressing the girls in their Holiday dresses from Gymboree and get their pics taken outside on my digital camcorder. I'll get some new pics of me and post those too. It's been a while, and I wish I could find my camera already.

It just doesn't feel like Christmas this year. It's just my family here in Idaho, nobody else, for the Holidays and my Grandma is not with us anymore. I know I should be feeling all the joy and happiness that comes with this season, and to a small extent, I do. However, I also feel a deep loss. There's a hole, where family belongs, where traditions are still happening in another part of the 'states, where christmas cards once arrived, on time, and always with love. It's this time of year, I feel like I have nothing to give, yet at the same time, I feel like I need to.

I may not have a lot of money right now, but I can give time. Time to those who need it, time to pray and read, time to ponder, time to be creative. I can do those things.

May we remember the fruits of the labours of He who came before us, who sank below them all, to raise us in our time. He who loves us all the same.

So, I'm due....

For a post that is. No babies for me.... all done in that department. However, I will invite the neighbor over who has a tiny tiny baby girl and love on her! HA!

Um, so - yeah - I need to get Christmas cards out, I guess? GAH... Well, at least I've thought about doing them, right??

Erm, I guess that will be all for now... I'm tired

Too Full

I can't even get water to stay down... I'm going in tomorrow for an unfill...

4cc fill

I am loaded to the brim and quite full early. *sigh* I'll write more later