Hard to believe that I have had four hundred AAAAAAAAAND one posts since starting my blog more than four years ago. Wow. How much my life has changed! I can't look back on it and say that it's been easy, by any stretch of the imagination. But, what it has created is a tougher, stronger, solid, capable, fearless, driven individual who is set out to do great things.
The last month or so I have sat and reflected much on my life. Really looking at the details of what's been going on and what direction I want to be going.
I am happy to say, I am animal free - food wise - and have not purchased any products that support animal cruelty since September 9, 2011. I can tell you that the first day of no animal products wasn't so bad, day two was a bit of a headache. Okay, okay... a lot of a headache - a smidge of a migraine... and days three, four, and five were pretty horrific as I suspect it was my liver and kidneys purging about a decade worth of medications and unhealthy stuff in them. The funny thing is, if I try to eat a small bit of dairy... say, a small bit of butter on a piece of toast, or a teaspoon of organic ranch, or something has dairy in it I am not aware of... I can feel it almost right away! And shopping in a grocery store is a "gross-ery" situation. I promise you, I can smell animal products like never before. Meats especially, and they have the ability to turn my stomach in a moment.
Eating out proves to be a challenge. There are very few vegan friendly products. Vegan meaning NO animal products used in the prep of the meal. NO broths, lard, egg, dairy, etc. It usually is plain pasta, plain veggies, etc. It's tough. Then eating out with people who are eating meat and trying not to dry heave... yeah, that's tough too. But, I keep telling myself it will get easier, and I am sure it will.
I have been in the process of moving now for about a month now and I am in the tail end of it. I have packed most of the house myself with the help of two friends thus far. For that I am so, SO grateful that they are able to find the time. I know a lot of my friends have busy lives or have little ones that make it hard to come over and help. The UHaul will be here Thursday to get loaded up and take us to our new place in Nampa. I'm hopeful that this move will bring me peace and a fresh start.
The new place we will be moving into will be finished this week, and we will be able to start moving our stuff over the next day! I am so excited! The light at the end of the tunnel is finally in sight. While I am sad to be moving from the closeness of friends I have made in Caldwell, I will be moving closer to work, back near friends from where I started out at, and getting a clean slate.
In the meantime, I am waiting for the direction of where to go for schooling, and hopefully will get certification to be a fitness instructor... yeah. I know. Sounds funny... but I think it's something I could do. With the speech problem I have I can't talk in sentences but I can count and say a few words without messing that up too bad... I think? Worst case scenario, it's a training I could fall back on.
It's one day at a time... a foot in front of the other... sometimes one breath in, one breath out. But it all verifies that I am still alive. I am still fighting back. I am still moving forward.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
The Power To Change
So, let's see... About a year or so ago, I started talking to co-workers about going vegan. I have heard how it's really healthy for you, it is great for cleansing out your organs and breaking it down to basics. I've never had the courage to really go VEGAN, though I have gone humane and cruelty free.
One of the people in the entertainment industry I adore, Ellen Degeneres, is a vegan. I had spent a lot of time on her website in the last few years reading about vegan-ism. To me, the core of why I would want to be a vegan is more than the health benefit. Sure, you are going to be hard pressed to find a fat vegan, though I am sure ANYTHING is possible, but speaking to who I am as a person, going vegan makes sense. Let me explain.
I have spent a lot of time over the last few weeks as I have been packing, reading through journals, revisiting my blog, and as I approach 30 years old, look back on my life. That Amy, of the last 30 years, through trials and sadness, still loved people and had a heart of compassion. In nearly every blog and journal entry I could find some form of love, compassion, or hope. No matter how ugly...
Me, down to my core, am a compassionate and caring person. Now. Compassion doesn't just start and stop with people, people. Don't get me confused with a crazed hippie. Nope, that's not me. But, to have compassion for the Earth that has sustained life for so long, the animals that give beauty and variety to the earth, to appreciate every living thing because it is living the measure of its' creation. To treat them all with love and respect... that. Now that is me.
If I want to live my truth, ME down to my core, and feel harmonious in what I am doing... I think I should live it on all levels that I can. Am I going to do this perfect? Nope. I know that. I will get mad at someone who made me late for something or another. I will be impatient. I have to allow room for growth, failure and learning. But what matters is that I make a conscious effort daily to give back, show love and appreciate things that make my life amazing.
Living in Idaho I see a lot of livestock and quite a good amount of wildlife. Just the other day I was driving to Meridian and my car hit a bird. I immediately started to cry and "pray" for the life of the bird who died in front of my car, hoping it wasn't a mother bird returning with food for her babies. Is that something everyone does? No. But I do. I feel for things. Heaven forbid I have to watch the animal planet. I cry and get all upset watching Meerkat Manor or Nat Geo. Yes, I realize that nature has to take its' course but still... Back to the topic. I look into the faces of these cows, they have feelings, the momma cows give live birth, they know their young, they nurse their young. I have a hard time eating something with a face. (My mom will tell you - I was never much of a meat eater as a kid and teenager and used to say Meat is Murder... ha ha ha. Dad used to tease me about that too...) But not all animals are free range or humanely treated when going for slaughter.
Animals have feelings. Sure, they may be bred to live and die as a meal, but they shouldn't be treated disrespectfully. I think there is a lot of wisdom in the Mormon teachings called "The Word of Wisdom" where it says to eat meat sparingly, in times of famine, or cold. That makes sense. If you think back on it... animals sustained farms, not human appetites. We know how to make clothes and other items without animal products, so why use an animal?
Back to Ellen for a moment. She introduced me - via her web page - to a man named John Pierre. He is incredible. I had been searching for someone to look up to, to emulate. A REAL person. Not Hollywood driven or ego driven, but REAL. And he's a perfect mentor and fit for what I need in my life right now. I can't even begin to describe how complete I am feeling with this new found "master" in my life - guiding me to a better way. Vegan, Green, Compassionate, Real. Sounds like me, right? This is him though! *does happy dance*
My next 30 years is going to be dedicated to a life of compassion, service, love, joy, and health overflowing.
One of the people in the entertainment industry I adore, Ellen Degeneres, is a vegan. I had spent a lot of time on her website in the last few years reading about vegan-ism. To me, the core of why I would want to be a vegan is more than the health benefit. Sure, you are going to be hard pressed to find a fat vegan, though I am sure ANYTHING is possible, but speaking to who I am as a person, going vegan makes sense. Let me explain.
I have spent a lot of time over the last few weeks as I have been packing, reading through journals, revisiting my blog, and as I approach 30 years old, look back on my life. That Amy, of the last 30 years, through trials and sadness, still loved people and had a heart of compassion. In nearly every blog and journal entry I could find some form of love, compassion, or hope. No matter how ugly...
Me, down to my core, am a compassionate and caring person. Now. Compassion doesn't just start and stop with people, people. Don't get me confused with a crazed hippie. Nope, that's not me. But, to have compassion for the Earth that has sustained life for so long, the animals that give beauty and variety to the earth, to appreciate every living thing because it is living the measure of its' creation. To treat them all with love and respect... that. Now that is me.
If I want to live my truth, ME down to my core, and feel harmonious in what I am doing... I think I should live it on all levels that I can. Am I going to do this perfect? Nope. I know that. I will get mad at someone who made me late for something or another. I will be impatient. I have to allow room for growth, failure and learning. But what matters is that I make a conscious effort daily to give back, show love and appreciate things that make my life amazing.
Living in Idaho I see a lot of livestock and quite a good amount of wildlife. Just the other day I was driving to Meridian and my car hit a bird. I immediately started to cry and "pray" for the life of the bird who died in front of my car, hoping it wasn't a mother bird returning with food for her babies. Is that something everyone does? No. But I do. I feel for things. Heaven forbid I have to watch the animal planet. I cry and get all upset watching Meerkat Manor or Nat Geo. Yes, I realize that nature has to take its' course but still... Back to the topic. I look into the faces of these cows, they have feelings, the momma cows give live birth, they know their young, they nurse their young. I have a hard time eating something with a face. (My mom will tell you - I was never much of a meat eater as a kid and teenager and used to say Meat is Murder... ha ha ha. Dad used to tease me about that too...) But not all animals are free range or humanely treated when going for slaughter.
Animals have feelings. Sure, they may be bred to live and die as a meal, but they shouldn't be treated disrespectfully. I think there is a lot of wisdom in the Mormon teachings called "The Word of Wisdom" where it says to eat meat sparingly, in times of famine, or cold. That makes sense. If you think back on it... animals sustained farms, not human appetites. We know how to make clothes and other items without animal products, so why use an animal?
Back to Ellen for a moment. She introduced me - via her web page - to a man named John Pierre. He is incredible. I had been searching for someone to look up to, to emulate. A REAL person. Not Hollywood driven or ego driven, but REAL. And he's a perfect mentor and fit for what I need in my life right now. I can't even begin to describe how complete I am feeling with this new found "master" in my life - guiding me to a better way. Vegan, Green, Compassionate, Real. Sounds like me, right? This is him though! *does happy dance*
My next 30 years is going to be dedicated to a life of compassion, service, love, joy, and health overflowing.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Letting Go
The first thirty years of my life have not been easy. At all. They have been met with trial, adversity, tears, struggle... and some of it has been challenged back with triumph over tragedy, peace in the midst of the storm, and humility.
For my 30th birthday I bought paper sky lanterns to release. One for every two years I have been alive. People in various cultures release these at special occasions for various reasons. I am going to release them for a few reasons. One, because they are really pretty. Two, Tangled made a beautiful scene of it. Three, I'm pretty obsessed with Asian culture and they started in Asia. Four, and probably the most important... it's symbolic of me letting go of the past and wishing wonderful things into the future.
I am packing up this house still... One box at a time, filling one nail hole at a time, cleaning as I go. Happy to see this house of misery being shut down. I'm looking to happy horizons. Chasing joy. Giving love, compassion, and service. For in those we find healing and hope.
Love - Serve - Live
For my 30th birthday I bought paper sky lanterns to release. One for every two years I have been alive. People in various cultures release these at special occasions for various reasons. I am going to release them for a few reasons. One, because they are really pretty. Two, Tangled made a beautiful scene of it. Three, I'm pretty obsessed with Asian culture and they started in Asia. Four, and probably the most important... it's symbolic of me letting go of the past and wishing wonderful things into the future.
I am packing up this house still... One box at a time, filling one nail hole at a time, cleaning as I go. Happy to see this house of misery being shut down. I'm looking to happy horizons. Chasing joy. Giving love, compassion, and service. For in those we find healing and hope.
Love - Serve - Live
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