Twenty Questions Answered Honestly

1. How many times per day do you usually laugh? Depends. Some days I don't laugh at all.
2. What do your sunglasses look like? grey frame, sort of Jackie O - ish
3. You win a free trip to anywhere on your continent, but you have to travel by train. Where do you go? Eerrrmm... visit California. Disneyland and the beach.
4. Name one thing you consider a great quality about living in your town/city. It's country meets city, it's affordable, it's beautiful... I have good friends here.
5. If the sky could be another color, what color do you think would look best? grey
6. When was the last time you purchased something for your home, what was it, and in which room did it go? Purchased for my home, eh? Groceries, into the fridge and pantry they went.
7. What is the funniest commercial youve ever seen? I don't know - don't get to watch a lot of TV but the most annoying commercial is NetZero.
8. What is your favorite beverage? Flavored water
9. Where are you sitting right now? Master bedroom
Name 3 things you can see at this moment. Avent Sippy Cup, My Snow White Lamp, My Weight Watchers shake cup
10. When was the last time you received a surprise in the mail, and what was it? A collection notice... I've been on time with all MY bills and it turned out to be fraud.
11. Describe the nicest piece of clothing that you own. My Jeans, dark denim, need no hemming to alter height.
12. What time of day (or night) were you born? Not sure
13. What is currently your favorite song? Alright by Pilate Speed
14. What was a lesson you had to learn the hard way? Good things DO come to those that wait, PATIENTLY
15. Describe your idea of the perfect relaxation room. Plush chair, huge plush chair, breeze blowing through gossamer curtains... beach side.
16. Approximately how many hours per week do you spend watching television? Hardly any at all.
17. What was your first real job? Mc Donald's Cashier - then to Navy
18. What year did you start using the internet? 1995 I think
19. If you had to paint the walls of your living room tomorrow, what color would you choose? Beige something or another
20. Whats the scariest weather situation youve experienced? TORNADO SEASON in OKLAHOMA!

7 years and still running....

Jason and I celebrate 7 years of marriage today. We were told we'd be lucky to see 5... and yet, we're still managing to keep it together.

Our home is under construction and we're excited to have it finished mid June... it's a dream come true. I can't tell you how excited I am to be able to have my own home with my own things, and unpack all my boxes because I know I won't be going anywhere else again.

Grace threw up this morning, so I had to miss church. Two weeks in a row is a drag, but I felt as a mom, it was my duty to keep away any flu bug from the kids I tend to in the nursery. It's alright. We're doing okay now.

I've got a lot of laundry left to fold, and the kids toy room to pick up, I can't stand messes. Since I sorted out my cupboards last night, I can make a shopping list for stuff to make for dinners this week and the next.

Rambling now, aren't I?

I still love Idaho... I still love Jason...

I guess I'm doing alright then.

You know I've been cleaning when....

You walk in my front door and it smells like a swimming pool... I clean a lot of stuff with bleach. Bathrooms especially get the thorough bleaching. I can't wait until I can go in my own potty and just my butt's been on it...

I have been told I was OCD by my doctor. OCD about cleaning, about weightloss... I think if I were OCD about handwashing or turning my engine over a few times before moving, or something strange like that... it would be an issue. I really think it's more of a stress reliever to clean as much as I do. Hey, it's constructive.

Pool smell anyone?

Wild Hair/Soap Box Amy

Call me what you like but don't call me late to any event! I got called a soap box preacher about a week ago by somone, and I thought... damn, what a jerk! And then I thought about it, really mulled it over the last week. I am glad I can stand on my soap box and preach it to the world, whatever I am feeling, whatever I love, whatever I am passionate about, DAMN RIGHT I'm on my soap box, and you better listen. Ha!

So, the wild hair is in me again... I wanna chop off all my hair like P!nk... I've downloaded pictures of the hair she wore that I really like... I'd love to go back to my body that looked like hers, prior to children, but... yeah, that's a lot of plastic surgery and chemical peels...

So this is what I found...

Thoughts anyone??

I used to look like this: right before I met Jason and got pregnant... not too far off.... just mess my hair up a smidge more and call it fierce....?

I'm supposed to be getting ready for church, but...

Chris Daughtry who brings it all full circle for me through his music, his kindness, the reality of his life image... :) This was at the Viper Room in Los Angeles, CA just January 2007...

I just had a thought and had to get it out... I was thinking on the coolest people I have met this year. Some have solidified me into the person I am wanting to be - the real me, some have given me courage to train fearless to be fierce, take on the world... I can do these things...

UFC Fighter Roger (HOTTIE) Huerta... he's humble, kind, and encouraging... never give up. His clothing line is Fortitude and it says a lot about who he is as a person... he had a sad life but made the best of it... LOVE ROGER....

I feel in a world where people are so unaccepting of differences, I need to be the one to show acceptance and love. I can do this, one person at a time... That can be my gift to this world... and in giving, I may recieve that which I give in return... :)

<--- UFC Fighter Clay "The Carpenter" Guida... another classy guy... Love him too

BE FIERCE! Until next time... Soap Box Amy

One Last Thing Before Bed

I came across this scripture before I finished my three chapter a night habit. It was really something powerful. The biggest thing that stood out was the "steadfast and immovable"

Therefore, I would that ye should be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in good works, that Christ, the Lord God Omnipotent, may seal you his, that you may be brought to heaven, that ye may have everlasting salvation and eternal life, through the wisdom, and power, and justice, and mercy of him who created all things, in heaven and in earth, who is God above all. Amen.

*by the way - I am a speed reader... I finish most books in a 2-3 hour stint granted they are no more than 400 pages....*

You Don't Belong

Lyrics to a new Chris Daughtry written song are out and peeps are singing them all wrong! I got this from his website and am posting them here for future reference

"You Don't Belong"
written by Chris Daughtry

With time to kill and an empty tomb, I
always find a way to pass the time with you
Dark and smokey room
I can hardly stand the fumes
Telling me that you mean no harm, you
stand me up like a crutch, another arm
But only when I'm gone
Have I been away too long?

You don't belong to me/ I think you lied to me
And with my back against this wall, its hard to be strong
You'd tell me anything/ Look what you've done to me
And still I tell myself that tomorrow you'll be long gone

Any given time or place, I
never will forget the disgrace on
your face so full of love
Will it ever be enough?
Ten feet tall and bullet proof, I
never thought that I had a thing to lose
Well it looks like after all
I'm gonna have to choose

You don't belong to me/ I think you lied to me
And with my back against this wall, its hard to be strong
You'd tell me anything/ Look what you've done to me
And still I tell myself that tomorrow you'll be long gone

You help pass the time but I'm doing fine on my own
So there's no good reason why to live such a lie
Tell me have I been gone away too long?

You don't belong to me/ I think you lied to me
And with my back against this wall, its hard to be strong
You'd tell me anything/ Look what you've done to me
And still I tell myself that tomorrow you'll be long gone

Long gone

Bag of Rocks

Oh wow, I just had an epiphany moment! It was wonderful. As soon as I wrote a sentence in an email, the thouhts just started flowing into what could be a book... FABULOUS!

The statement I made was:
"We all carry our bag of rocks. I hope someday to be rid of them, even if it's just one pebble at a time."

Then my wheels started turning, and it was like...

"Sometimes the pebbles we carry are those we carry for someone else, or think we need to carry for someone other than ourselves. I think I've held on to a lot of my rocks because even though they weigh me down, it's like, I am protected by carrying them... I'm less penetrable. It all goes back to that theory I had about building a brick wall. I think I'm beyond the brick wall of fortitude and want to keep moving forward, so I take some of my defenses and boundaries with me, and until I'm ready to let them go, I'll carry them!"

AH HA! It was my AH-HA! moment I've been waiting for. I think part of the reason I'm so chubby is partly due to genetics, but more so, I've never given myself permission to get hot again. I talk about it a lot but I don't believe it... I don't believe I deserve it. I don't know what I'm punishing myself for, I really don't but it's - gosh, I dunno... tragic I suppose. Maybe I fear the attention I used to get will bleed over to now, or that I won't feel comfortable being the "ideal" me.

Other things, just kinda get me at times, and I'm grateful for my online blog as I lost my last digital journal and it made me rather upset. Hopefully one day, I'll be able to figure this mess of rocks out and let them go. Cast them back into the ocean and be free to walk the sand where the traces of a past I don't want to remember can be left behind.

Goin' for the Roots

So, I've got the geaneology bug, and I've been feverishly trying to find Jason's relatives on ancestry.com... I've found one line back to 1220 - the stones from England! I was so excited to know I could trace that far back... another line the Nunnally's is back to 1680 I think. I've found scandal in the family, for which I will let Jason share, but it's just been interesting getting to know his family this way. The dead end we have reached is not knowing who his dad is, and any solid information on his biological grandpa... It's all a guessing game at this point.

So - I've had some relatively good days here lately - no pun intended, and the moment I sign off of here, I'm going to be moving around bedroom furniture. The chi is all wrong in here... just so wrong. I hope I don't pull out my groin again... *gah*

Other than that, I miss Disneyland incredibly... and the beach. But all in all - life is okay here in Idaho... :)

Grace has had two mini root canals here in the last month. We've discovered she's not brushing the backs of her teeth well due to a HUGE gag reflex and the bruses are too big to get back there. We still have more cavities to fill and a permanent fill on the previous emergency pulpectomy. The dental work might set us back a bit more. We're already into it about 300.00 and that's WITH insurance. *sigh*

At least my kid loves her dentist and actually loves to go see him. He's fab. Dr Medaris... :)

Alright, I'm gonna go cleaning.

What a day... *sigh*

Sometimes in life, it feels like all we can do is hold on to eachother and scream...

Holding on to a dear friend in rough times is ideal. I wish we were all lucky enough to have an optimistic "Dory" in our corner when we suffer from the pessimistic bugs...

I've found mine, and thank God for her each day... It makes life more bearable knowing we can hold on to friendship through the tough times and be okay...

Weight Loss... UGH

So, yeah. I'm about at my wits end with weight loss. I can't seem to get Weight Watchers to work for me, and I keep creeping on the scales. This sucks. As I sit here and type this, the warmth of my scalding cup of hot cider is soothing to me. Albeit, 2 points out of my 23 point day isn't so much - but then again, it is! It's nearly 10% and the danged thing is only 80 calories!

I guess the last few weeks I've noticed an eating pattern. I've been going sweets crazy for the last while and it's shown. I was up on the scale - the highest ever. I contribute part of that the lack of exercise and movement since I pulled my groin muscle, and the junk food.

Today, I portioned out everything I was mindlessly eating into serving sizes, counted the points value and calories so I knew at that moment exactly what was going in my mouth.

Things I realized going in my mouth were far worse than I remembered:

Spaghetti - 4 freaking points for a four bite serving. I guess load that s'ketti with veggies in the sauce and go heavy on the dinner salad...

Vanilla Wafers - 8 darn wafers for 5 points, I think...

Chocolate Covered Raisins from Costco - UGH - 5 points for 20 little buggers... I skip those now...

*sigh*

This weight loss thing has not been easy. I felt so alone all the time, humiliated to eat at dinner when we'd go out. I just couldn't eat a baked potato in front of Jason and feel okay.

Today I enlisted his help in this journey. I showed him what portions were, packed his lunch/dinner, portioned out his work snacks into real do-able portions (not the whole bag anymore) and hopefully this will help us both feel better.

Oh yes, and I started back up on my Cortislim pills. It got me moving today, I think it initiated the OCD WW Portion Control issue and I felt up. I also took some Lexapro and felt quite okay. Now on to vitamins, which I forgot... GAH! Too easy to forget those.

Hopefully, I can report in a week and have lost some of this drudgery...

Hope for sunshine ahead.

Amy