So - hey Papa

It's been a while since we last talked. I hope you're enjoying the scenery where you're at now. It must be something else to see what you see. If you happen to run across my grandma, tell her I said hi, and that I miss her. When Nana gets to you, please tell her I miss Crayolas and pudding cups... and Wheel of Fortune.

I apologize that I couldn't make it to be with everyone. With all that is going on with Jason being laid off, the lack of finances, the weather, the kids being difficult to travel with... and I think, more so than anything, I don't want the kids to remember you in a coffin. I hope that you can live on in their memory... I don't think they would understand it all either... but somehow I think they'll wrap their minds around it later that you are with the other end of our family now. I hope you understand.

I wanted to let you know I went and had some time today, to really sit and think about things. I'm sorry that things were never as great as they could have been and that ornery genes gets the best of us, but I'm hoping we can start off on a new foot the next time we meet. Peace is what I feel now... peace with the future. And, thanks for the snowflake in my nose today after I left the temple. I knew you were there with me...

I'm sending my friend to your funeral with some roses. Pink and Lavender ones. I always loved you in the pink and lavender dress shirts you would wear with your grey suits. You looked so snazzy.

I understand you were rough on the outside from fear of being hurt... hopefully you're soft now and can see that we're not hard to let in. Perhaps, you can visit now and again, just let me know I'm doing a good job with your great-grand kids. It's hard to be a mom, a wife, a cook, a maid all at once... so give me a bit of time to get the hang of it and tell me how I'm doing later.

I wish I had inherited your crafting ability. I'm terrible with fixing projects, but I can paint... I've got this beautiful mural in my bathroom... it's a cherry blossom tree, and I started painting it to deal with grief and stress. I never thought I'd sit at the base of it and have to deal with another grandparent passing away. I sat there for a long time and cried Sunday. I guess I didn't expect the grandpa who kept on ticking to just go so fast. I've had so much going on these last few weeks, it's been a blow that I couldn't have prepared enough for. By the way - if you have any suggestions on how to remove the walls the tree is on if we sell the house, that would be great... otherwise... well, we won't go there.

I hope you can feel joy in knowing your greatgrandkids still remember visiting you... getting suckers from you... and being there. They really are great kids... and I'm sorry you won't be around to see them grow up. The things they do now would make only a Bowker proud.

If they happen to serve dinner, and it's not scalding, go easy on them. Not everyone was programmed to do what Nanabell did.

Tend the gardens well there as you always did here. Take time to smell the roses for me, and if you get a chance, stop at the lavender and pink ones... and know I'm thinking of you.

Love Amy