Goodbye

There are no words to express feelings I have right now. It's a pile of mixed emotions and I don't even know where to start.

Saturday I got a call from my mother and I knew from the moment I said "hello" - it was not good news, but I didn't expect the words she would relay. My grandfather, Jack, had a serious headache, fell to the floor, and didn't really come to. He suffered an anuerysm - a severe brain bleed - and wasn't expected to do well after the ER doctors talked to my parents.

Sunday morning, I got a phone call from dad. "You need to say goodbye, we're pulling the plug, get the kids. I'm putting the phone to his ear..." After we passed the phone around, I sat in shock for a while. Then the tears started to flow and I ran upstairs to my mural. I only managed to get a few blossoms outlined before I went into crash mode. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that I couldn't process it all at once, and that I needed to go to church, but I couldn't move. Just sat there... for a long time.

Too much death and dying for me to process. Too much trial and loss.

I'm grateful to be surrounded by great friends in this sad time. I don't know if weather will permit travel, and if I can do it alone with the kids (to Salt Lake). The last time killed me - well almost... Driving under emotional stress too will probably not be the greatest idea... Jason should be starting in Pocatello sometime this week.... Just so much is not certain - then again - what is?

I guess that's about it...