Last night I cried...

Jason and I were laying in bed last night, just yapping away about things, and he said something about my Grandma Burdick - not mean or unkind - but it prompted feelings that I couldn't hold back. It started out as a few quiet tears rolling, then into a full blown sob with the shakes. I felt like I had to apologize to Jason for all of a sudden falling apart, but all I could muster was "I guess I just needed to let that out?"

So very many things going on right now, that it's hard to wrap my mind around it all at once. If I try to take it all on, I get overwhelmed, and fast. I keep telling myself that one step at a time, one thing at a time, one feeling at a time is okay.

A friend from my past contacted me via Facebook. The myriad of memories and emotions tied to that time was supressed for a long time and I don't think I ever really worked through it, just shoved them away somewhere to keep on coping with life. I called and talked to my Aunt yesterday as she was aware of much of that time in my life and just talked through a lot of it. I had forgotten a lot of details, events, and what not. Maybe it was a way to self preserve, to just forget it all? As my aunt shared with me what she remembered, it made me very somber. I'm glad I forgot broken promises, the people of my past that hurt me, and glad I never knew of the lies that were told about me. You almost wonder why people dig you up? In one respect, maybe I was the type of person that was accepting enough to see them as they were at the time and not hold a past against them? Maybe they were hoping I was still the same person? Whatever the reason, it got my gears turning. Now that I can re-visit the past from a healthy mind frame, I'm able to carry through my future a lot more peacefully.

Do things turn out how they should? I would think so.
Do they always follow the perfect protocall for turning out? Never.

Here's some mental bubblegum to chew on for a bit. One of my favorite authors wrote this, and it holds true to my life.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

-Robert Frost