Pearly Whites

Oh, let me just relate to you the joys of modern dental facilities. I would rather be toothless than have a grin full of wooden dentures and for this, I am grateful to be drilled on, yanked on and pinched instead of, dun dun dun!....

Had I been born in George Washington's time, I probably would have told them to liquor me up good, "pull all them sunsab***es" and let me gum my food for the rest of my life. Could you IMAGINE the slivers?! YIKES!

Needless to say, our family has a most fabulous dentist who we acutally look forward to seeing. If Grace can't go, she gets upset immediately and pouts that she can't go see her beloved Dr. Medaris. He's fabulous though... no if and's or buts about it. So six fillings later, and a gag-a-riffic mold made for my mouth...

I MUST tell you about the most wonderful patient I have ever experienced! No, sadly not myself, but the man, gagging, vomiting, and having his rectum sucked up through his throat today in the room just next to me. We were in the middle of putting in the white putty in my teeth when the man next door started talking about having problems with cold beer or coffee... and then the suction tube starts up... and up comes his rectum. That's what it sounded like anyway....

He kept gagging and had to swish... Hello?! There are other patients here man, do you think you could excuse yourself to the restroom to puke?! NO, obviously not!! He hurled and hacked for a good while... all the time, the bright eyes of my dentist and his lovely assistant would grow to the size of saucers each time said patient nearly lost it - or more often than not, did.

I giggled, gagged and left with the same wide eyed expression those caring for my teeth had... All the while I knew there was something special about today... I was the luckiest person, I was told. The dentist relayed to me that only once a month do they get a patient that awesome! AND! I was the second person in a week to compliment his ability to massage my gums by asking if I would be charged extra for that? LOL I was the second this week and the second the life of his career! My dear dentist is perfeeting the art of gum massage! You rock Dr. Medaris...

Thanks for the laugh, the wonderful bill... and the willingness to be the consult on my next book! Oh yes, and for the rockstar lower lip you bestowed on me. I swear, not everyone gets to walk out feeling like they have a big piece of chrome bling hanging from their lower lip! Such as might be the case illustrated below!


Rock on Rockstar!
Bling Bling Baby

WOOOOOOOOORD!