Yesterday, most of my bandages were able to come off from surgery. I had to enlist Jason to help me get some of them off because my sagging boobs were in the way of my view and I just couldn't help but want to die when I considered the notion of rolling the girls up like a party blower and stuffing them into some bra that obviously wouldn't fit anymore. Can we say DEFLATED?! *PFFFFFFFFFFTTT!*
On a few occasions I thought Jason was about to go green on me and throw up or pass out... however, the once self proclaimed "bullet sponge" for the Marines, managed to keep himself together long enough to gag, remark, and deeply sigh his way through each bandage he removed. Honey, I don't understand why you would sign up to see others shot, to be shot at and possibly have to help a wounded soldier but can barely manage to remove bandages from your recently operated on wife?!
OOH RAH Devil Dog, OOOOH RAH!
On to the next events...
I had to pick up my stuff from the dentist yesterday at no later than 4pm - or else my stuff would turn into a pumpkin and roll away forever and being near Halloween, I just couldn't take that risk. This left me lots of time before my band-ster meeting at 7 pm in Boise. Yes, indeed. So I got to thinking to myself, "Self? Why don't we call Mandy and see what she's doing?" I responded to myself vocally "Of Course!Why not!"
However, upon dialing her direct line, she was no where to be found. Actually, her voicemail picked up and though it wasn't Mandy, I could still hear my chipper Mandy - trying to be as "basic" and slow as possible for all patients who might need to write down what she requires in order for her to return a phone call... On a side note, I frequently leave her messages in bad foreign accents and with terrible names. Just for laughs though... and she always knows it is me. Who else is going to call and leave the name "Ivana Humpalot"? *grin* Yes, that's from Austin Powers!
So, I decided to make my car autopilot to St. Lukes, where I frequent for Migraine treatments, take Faith for intestinal problems, and stop to visit Mandy. "Car, please park me in the front of the hospital, between two cars that will actually make an effort not to hit my brand new shiny VW." As I waited for a response, I realized that the ad for the James Bond on Blu Ray infiltrated my mind that day, and a quick snap back to reality proved to be most useful in navigation to Mandy's place of work. James Bond and Austin Powers on the brain in the same day! How um, strange?!
I walked up to the front desk at Internal Medicine and caught her eye as she was walking by the doorway to the hall of no work being done workers! (I don't know if people really work there coherently or if it's like a tape recorded message that when a certain cue word is said they have an automated response...) While the ladies played Sudoku, "balanced" their checkbook and complained about people cashing checks and a broken window... the phones would occasionally ring and to their shoulder the phone would plop. "Uh huh. Sure... Well if you fax it to us right before closing...." I rolled my eyes, obviously not noticeable enough, but thinking that these people who don't work get paid to sit and do nothing while Mandy plays catch-up! What a buncha turds! Only the nicest I could find though...
Mandy then lead me to the very sweet Paula, who put some steri strips back on one of my wounds in question. I did say a prayer for her that night, that in all her niceness would something come back to her. Afterall, I didn't want to have some funky scar from surgery and she was willing to patch me up! Hey Paula!? You ROCK!
So, on the way down, we were like Ethel and Margaret, totally undecided where to go to get some "broth" for me and a "real meal" for her. All of a sudden, "Olive Garden" errupted from my mouth! What a novel idea! So, I drove her from the front of the hospital where my car was parked, to the back where hers was... and followed her to the Mall vicinity where our destination was.
Note to self, eating near the mall causes the need to walk off dinner and spend obscene amounts of money on clothing after.
So, onto Mr. Winky. It took all I had in me to not say something by the end of the meal, but our very friendly, very married waiter Nick, was really hamming it up above and beyond what is usual for a waiter. Every trip to the table, he managed a wink or two in my direction, obviously hoping for a huge tip... He did bring me my sinfully delicious Raspberry Lemonades (which I had one too many of but enjoyed for the first time in ages!) and scooped away the leftover noodles, veggies and beans... when I was "down for the count" after slurping up the broth. Did I tip well? Indeed... but just to humor Mr. Winky. If you get the off-chance to visit Olive Garden on Miluakee in Boise, please ask to be seated in Nick's session... He's gotta be someone's "Edward"....
I must say, Mandy had every bit of guilt on her face as she ate her breadsticks in front of me. I told her not to worry though, I don't miss bread... that much. However, her pasta looked like it was to die for. That, yes, that made me drool.
So being overly stuffed off of 8 tablespoons of broth and three refills on my lemonade... I assumed it would be good to go and walk off all the liquid. Which later resulted in a loss to my bank account of something like $60.00 after "browsing" in a few stores. The reason for said splurge is, I got frustrated because I had "NOTHING" to wear to church as everything is falling off me now and looks hideous on my getting smaller frame and my husband rolled his eyes and huffed each time I changed my outfit in 40 minutes because it just all looked stupid on.
Mandy and I part ways, well after my meeting started, and I strolled in late in my very retro wool hat I just purchased and my very retro black wool sweater. I should at this point, note that I, in fact, was the White Elephant in the room... maybe that's a terrible analogy, but you couldn't deny the fact that I was the smallest bandster in the room (post op, minus our coordinator Jamee who is smokin' hot). The funny looks I got, like I was perhaps in the wrong spot got me kind of flushed at first, and embarassed. It was also hot in the room, but nerves started to get to me and with heat and nerves, I felt like I was going to puke. Thankfully, I didn't, and thought to myself I might have something to share that could change someone's life.
I went back into the room and wound up sharing a bit of my story, to which people looked shocked. Probably mis-judging me because I was small, I hope they understood that obesity doesn't only affect those who are 200+ pounds. It really took a toll on my life. I am reclaiming my life again, for me. To see my children grow, to make the quality of life better for myself... That's all really.
So, I stood on my soap box for a moment last night, proclaiming the life truth I can honestly say I lived through and conquered. To know that I can claim my life for what it is, and to not be ashamed of my choice to be banded... That was probably one of the best soap box moments ever.
What no picture of your Fierce purple shoes? I had a great time. We defiantly need to do it again.
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