I had a good cry 150.4

Today I went and met with the surgeon. Needless to say I blew him away with how much I've lost and at what commitment level I'm at with my weight loss. I'm down over 25 pounds now and that feels awesome. I'll find out soon if my paperwork gets approved and in as little as a week or two I could go under the knife. Yikes!

At One O'clock today, I had another very good counseling session. I had a good cry the last little bit of the meeting with my couselor. When I sat down, I told her how I've had mixed emotions for my birthday that's coming up Friday. I realize that I will not have a birthday card in the mail this year from my Grandma Burdick, and the last one I got from her, she sent from the hospital and told me how much she loved me and thanked me for saving her life. Yep, saving her life. I don't know how she came to that conclusion. I felt like I was in the right place at the right time, to catch her as she was falling towards the ground when her femur shattered. I was glad to be there and had I not been at her place, but in the same city, and knew that she had fallen, I would have never forgiven myself. Sometimes God works in silent ways, I suppose.

I realize I miss talking to her, incredibly. She was the person I could dream big with. When I told her I wanted to go to school for animation, her face lit up, and she said "that's wonderful Amy! You'll be great at it." I love her, still, and keep her memory alive as much as I can.

I don't think I want a birthday cake this year either. One more year maybe to remember that the last cake I had was 2 years ago. It was my 25th birthday and my Grandma baked it for me. She hadn't baked a cake in years and I knew the effort, the great effort it took for her to make that for me. It was more than just a cake from a box. It was years of love wrapped into a pretty little cake topped with a vintage plastic flower. In that moment, I never felt more incredibly loved in my whole life.

If I happen to get birthday money or cards, I really wanna go buy some paintbrushes and tubes of watercolors. I'm going to write the book that's been on the back burner for far too long, and dedicate it to the memory of my Grandmother.

The artistic blood that flowed through her veins, runs through my own. Thank you for such wonderful talents, grandma. Thank you for the encouragement, the love, the support all the years of my life. I can feel you around me more than ever. I wish I could call you and tell you what's going on, but somehow, I'm convinced that you hear me even when I say nothing at all.

I miss you.