Things to Chew On

It was interesting today. So many things passed through my mind and I thought I needed a notepad to keep track of my thoughts, but I think I managed okay without it. A few things keep chewing at me so maybe if I get them out, they won't bother me so much?

I've learned that my spirit is affected by my mental and physical health. Now that I'm on a way to well being, I am more in tune with the little voice in my head than ever before. Kind of alarming at first, I guess cause I'm not used to all the noise, but I'm adjusting.

People struggle with all sorts of afflictions. It doesn't make me a better person or worse person to admit I've struggled, it just makes me aware and able to grow from it.

I'm getting closer to the date with my surgeon and there are things I am fearful about. When I talked to my counselor last week, she made sure that I understood the types of fear that we deal with. Fear because something is legitimately going to endanger us or cause us harm, or fear because it's the unknown, unfamiliar, or new territory. In this case, my fear for surgery is more the fear of the unknown.

The journey for weight loss, body health, mental health, has been a long road for me and I'm - for the first time in my life - finding clarity with it all. I know that I could struggle with genetics the rest of my life, or nip it in the bud and try to control this before it overcomes me and becomes ugly.

There is a fear that my friends might treat me different. To me, my friends are not about how skinny, fat, short or tall they are. I genuinely love people for who they are and what they bring to my life. I would be heartbroken to lose any of them over something like this. If they know me like I think they do, they'll know it won't change me on the inside or the way I feel about them. And I will root them on in life no matter how big or small their butt is...

After years of bad self talk and not feeling good enough to buy new clothes or be in family pictures, I think it's going to be difficult to adjust to my new found freedoms as it's unfamiliar to me. But this is something I look forward to.