Yesterday.... 175.8

It felt hopeless.

I went to see the surgeons assistant to get some guidance on what to do to get my 10% off - which now is nearly ugh - I just know 20 lbs is more than I can handle. It's so unforgiving, this world of being fat. Seriously. When I weighed, I about passed the hell out! 175.8 - that's honest folks and I think that's what Jason weighed when we got married. I've consistently put on about 12-13 pounds a year... and I HATE IT. At this rate - in another 5 years... I am headed for heffer city.

Yesterday I bawled all the way home and really re-thought my list of foods I am allowed to eat. Chicken, Tuna (plain - yuck), Salmon (YUCK!!), veggies though no potatoes or corn, salad, NO MAYO and NO FRUIT! I think after being on a bazillion diets, I would really like to think I know a bit more about how my body loses weight than they do. This is just a hyper condensed diet for people with little self control.

So I've made my shopping list, I've got things on there they didn't tell me I could have but I am sure with what I've got planned - SOMETHING is gonna happen. I hope that by the time I drop 10, he'll be happy with that and just let me go. I mean really, I am on the SUPER SMALL end of Fat Girl Surgery spectrum, though I think being this much smaller makes it that much harder to keep weight down and off....

Grumble.

This morning I woke up early - and had a bit of good sleep - sleeping by myself in one of the kids abandoned rooms on an air mattress. I did a 20 minute Turbo Jam work out, took a shower, and now I've gotta go shopping.

God if you can hear me.... will power please? I "will" do this... I "will" do this