Thought I'm not a great artist, I'm pleased that sometimes I can get on a canvas or paper, what I'm feeling. Today, I water colored two trees. One was barren, a sickly red thin trunk, surrounded by a golden sky, and rooted in brown earth... no life left in it, the tips of the leaves were the most vibrant, as if to say we're hanging on by our last thread of hope. The other tree, was a beautiful, rounded tree. Green and Teal foliage, with green grass, and a grey blue sky. It was sturdy, healthy and strong.
As I look inward, I realize I have painted both sides of myself. The one side that wants to just shrivel up sometimes and be left for dead... and the other side of me that wishes to uplift, to shelter, to stand strong through the cursed storms. To have a visual reminder of this path I'm on is great, especially since it was created by my hand...
I had a sad day today, just really missing my grandma. I put her anniversary band on my wedding finger. I know that the love that she had for my grandpa was real, and that when she passed it to me, that emotion of love was real. To keep things surrounding me that are real helps me to heal from the inside.
By the way - the outside is coming along quite well. We are defunct a digital camera worth a crap and so just take my word for it. I'm down to 140 and wearing a 9 - easy! WHOO! Somehow, this will all put it's self together again...
The golden light in my life is making change possible.
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