Reflections

I guess there are several different types of reflections, huh? I'd like to talk about two of them. The kind where you reflect on the past and see where you've been and "OMG how I survived THAT!" and the kind you see in the mirror.

Looking through old yearbooks, photos, letters, and other nonsense from days gone by tends to blow open the door of emotions. First and foremost, I thank GOD every day that I never have to live another moment of high school again. It was dreadful. Such an awkward time for me. Now looking at my senior pic, I come to realize that my image has not changed much, besides the "mom" body and some extra baggage *here and here and here* that will soon disappear if I have anything to say about it. I wonder why some people always look the same? Frustrating I know.

Then I go back and look at beauty school pictures. I remember being introduced to the first GAY man I ever met. Good Lord! I thought for sure gay men didn't get worse than him, but they do. However, I have a fabulous gay friend who I wouldn't trade for a Chanel purse... or anything at that matter. That was an interesting time for me. Life seemed easy, only because it was structured. The only thing that wasn't was emotion, mine and others.

Then I look back and it's been 8 months since my grandma passed. In my home, I have a painting of hers in my living room, which inspired my red couch, red and gold sheers and the theme for the room. I miss her incredibly, every day, and at times find myself holding the phone and wanting to dial her number.

Now, the reflection in the mirror. It's never been easy for me to accept who I am. I think when that hit, about 10 years old, it through me through a tailspin. I had eating disorders I hid pretty well, but I think had I not been diagnosed with ulcers, I wouldn't have had a way to cover up bulimia. I ran on cross-country teams to keep my weight down and toned up, but even at my lightest, all of like 97 pounds or so when I got home from bootcamp - where I had an eating disorder too... I wasn't pleased.

Then it hit me

Like a ton of bricks

"You need to see you the way I see you"

HUH!? Really?! But the more I thought about it, the more THAT comment mattered. How awesome to know that I've got potential to be great one day. That I've got good character and I genuinely LOVE people. I'd win a pageant for an inside contest... well maybe runner up - the celebrity gossip has to stop. As for the outside, it's coming along, one piece at a time. Each day I learn something new about myself.

The best so far - BE PATIENT!

And that is all my friends.