Getting discouraged

I'm 22 weeks (tomorrow/today) and the barfs are back with a vengeance.  

I haven't had an infusion in a week because the orders for the infusion center ran out.  Also, the new nurses who took my old nurses spot are AWFUL, and though the OB told me I could go to L&D for fluids, the nurses hate you to do that and I got a low brow "you really shouldn't" so I'm stuck figuring things out until next week. 

I'm feeling pretty discouraged as all the weight I thought I gained is gone. I'm sure a lot of it was water weight from my ringer bags and I'm back to just one and a half pounds "gained" as of this morning.  The positive side? I'm gonna be lighter after this baby is born than when I started.  Yay! Right?

I'm able to eat small meals, some of them come up, however most of my drinking gets heaved up in the morning and at night. So my afternoons are the ONLY time I can drink and not vomit like I'm possessed, with the exception of today.  It's been "lets throw everything up" this morning and I'm not happy.

I've been trying to avoid zofran because of the constipation it causes and have only had it twice this week; just trying to get by "old fashioned" like I did with my three other girls who I had NO meds for.  I'm sure if things got bad, like cramps and contractions, I'd start the dissolvable 8mg zofran again, but I'm not ready for zofran misery yet.  If I cut those guys in half, they crumble.  Rock and a hard spot.  I had one friend say to try one every few days to keep the barfs at bay somewhat than not at all.  On another fun note....

The bruises from all the pokes over the last few weeks are starting to turn green, yellow and purple.  They're a sight to behold.  LOL  We have family pictures next week and I think I'll duck out of photos.  I'm ashamed of what I look like.  I'll just be happy when all this is over.

Even with all that, I'm grateful I still feel my little man swimming around in there.  I try to focus on the little things, the little wins, and go with that, trying not to overwhelm myself with the hard things I have to go through.

Growing Pains

Sunday was a day for the books.  I thought I was having an appendix problem, severe pain on my right side that wouldn't go away.  We hauled my body into Labor and Delivery in Meridian and proceeded to get fluids and meet with the doctor there.  He did an exam and said "You may not have an appendix much longer!"  Holy smokes!  That scared me to no end.  To have such a thing happen on top of a "fun pregnancy" would be just another notch on the "what else went wrong during this pregnancy" handbook.

I went through blood tests which showed elevated levels of white blood cells, indicating infection somewhere, an ultrasound that showed my kidneys looked ok but appendix was unseen, and an MRI which I hope to never do again while pregnant.  The appendix showed within normal means, so I was sent home with a tentative diagnosis of "torn abdominal muscles" from the throwing up.

I followed up with my bariatric surgeon today to have them take a look at the MRI and look at me to see if anything was wrong with my port.  Annie informed me (the PA-C where I go) that the port has four hooks into the abdominal muscle and will tear as I vomit and heave as well as when my belly grows.  With that being said, I'm in for tearing pain for the long haul.  Doc said I basically have no way to fix this, and I'll feel better once the baby is out and things can start to go back to normal.  Whatever normal is, right?

Today I also saw my psychiatrist, he's fabulous.  I've been working with him for about 2 months now through my antepartum depression (depression while pregnant).  The blend of medicine I am on now helps me cope through life far better than I did in my early days of pregnancy.  I would often weep and cry and feel SEVERELY depressed over all the throwing up, wetting of the pants, and sleepless nights paired with IV pokes and misery.  Now I don't cry often, just when it's the fifth poke to start an IV and there's no hope.  People worry about side effects of medicine on baby.  I get that, trust me.  I worry sometimes too, but I have to realize that I have to be well to have a baby.

Our anatomy scan is next week!  We get to see how our son is growing and how he's been doing since I've been so sick.  I'm hoping he's still on track and that our date doesn't get extended, or that he catches up!  I'm excited to see his little profile and all the cute features growing in my womb.

I have a feeling my son is going to look like Faith did as a baby, blended with Conrad features.  (Very Bowker with Bahnmiller flair)  We shall see.  129 days to go till we meet our little dude!