Anguish and Ramblings

Tonight as I was getting into bed for the night, I was grateful I had remembered to take my Phenergan (for nausea/vomiting) and hopefully drift into sleep.  Two hours later, I'm crying and dry heaving my guts up again.  Normally I'm not a complainer, I try to see the bright side of life and make the most of it - but I'm tired of throwing up.  It's mentally, emotionally, and physically taking it's toll on me.  I've tried joining support groups for it, but it's not that helpful.

This is awfully isolating...

So here I sit, drinking my ginger beer (non-alcoholic) trying to use that to settle my stomach.  The tears that want to run and burn down my cheeks are being held back.  I'm sure I could love a baby just as much as I love my three children if I didn't have to throw up this much.  I just keep hoping that one day, this all is worth it.

This is my last time being pregnant, ever.  I was hoping to enjoy it and that it would be different, but it doesn't look that way.

My waist is expanding and I'm in maternity jeans because they're more comfortable... and my LuLa Roe leggings.  Thanks Sarah!  I've gained back one pound of the three I lost, and I'm holding.

9 weeks today and a lot of crying...

Cried my face off tonight. Hard barfs again, worse than the normal nausea barfs. Example: nose bleed, wet your pants, barf out the nose, can't breathe... it's humiliating and I'm ready for this to be over.

It's mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting to feel like this will never end - at least any time soon - and nothing fixes it.

I'm starting a countdown. Baby can come in 28 weeks. (196 days)

I feel bad for Conrad who is helpless watching me throw up and cry. He let me ugly cry in his arms. Pats my back while I throw up. Asks if he can get me anything. I appreciate that.

I know this won't last forever but 28 weeks feels like forever away.