somewhere, hiding. Somewhere too afraid to come out. Afraid if you get rid of your packaging, that I may become a victim again. Sooner or later, I will find you skinny girl.
Right now you're hiding behind my eating disorder, and I'm fighting you. Fighting you tooth and nail.
My eating disorder is getting the best of me. The incessant taunting of "you're not good enough because you're fat" and "look at that mess you've become" or "go ahead and blame it on the meds, whatever..." is enough. I can't stand to hear it anymore. I know if I fall back into controlling what I eat and what I don't - and what I puke and what I don't - will get me results I want to see - and who knows and who doesn't - doesn't matter. I am facing this head on.
Somehow, I have to get a break through. I have never had a harder time in my life losing weight than I do right now. Part of it, I think, is an oxymoron. If I get skinny I will feel better but risk becoming a victim again as I might appear more pleasant to the opposite sex.
This impending doom I feel is overwhelming. I have far too much on my plate and not enough hours in my day to get it done. Forget taking care of myself. Home from work, cook dinner, check in with the world, do the house duties, get the kids ready for bed, crash.
I am at a breaking point.
No.
Seriously.
At...
My....
Wits...
End....
and all I hear are echoes....
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Dear Oregon State Trooper,
Officer Harris, however bad your day was, it will never justify all the rudeness you offered.
-"Are you still at the Nampa address it shows on your lisence?" - 'Why no, officer, I have updated the DMV, they don't offer replacements for this, and because this change is on file, this is why I am able to register my vehicle at the address on my receipt for payment of my tags that are yet to arrive.' (by the way officer 'tard, I had the written change of address on reverse where they say to write it)
-"And your tags aren't here because...?" 'Well, officer, like I said, I paid them online with the renewal postcard that comes in the mail, it can take two weeks, they said to leave the receipt in the car as proof.'
-"Go fix your daughter's seat" (so I go to belt her down....) "WAIT! GET IN THE CAR!" So I return to my seat - he comes back with a digital camera and tells Aubrey "I'm going to take a picture, okay?" - to which she replies nothing, and he still snaps a photograph.... "Now you can fix it...
~~
My condolences to you and your terrible day yesterday that gave you permission to write me as many tickets as you could find, pummel me into the ground with your words and questions, and give my children nightmares of law enforcement.
First and foremost - I would like to address the fact that you wrote me for " 811.210 - stating a violation of child endangerment/seatbelt" - Officer Harris, what I would like to point out to you is that my children who are both over the age of FIVE and weigh more than 40 lbs a piece do not require a five point restraint system. However, I am an overly paranoid mother, strapping them into their Britax car seats and often making them uncomfortable doing so.
When it comes to installation of car seats, I passed with flying colors in 2010 at the Middleton car seat safety check. They said they hadn't seen an installation job so well. I SIT in my childrens' seats while I pull the belts that latch my kids seats to the car, I don't use a safety belt. There is no way that those seats will move in a wreck.
However, that being stated, my children are old enough and smart enough to reach between their legs and grab the lever that loosens the straps and wiggle about. My children had spend about 12 hours in a car in the last 24 hours and were having a hard time sitting still. It caught my attention that they were doing more wiggling than necessary, so when I turned for a moment to check the back seat, I apologize I wasn't checking my odometer. My child was complaining for about twenty minutes that her stomach had hurt and that she needed to go to the bathroom and her belts were hurting her. So for Faith to have loosened her belts, I can understand that. Even still - the rubberized grips on the child harness systems will grab onto children's clothing/body/etc in the event of a wreck, therefore making them safer than other seats, and just a seat belt and booster alone.
My two girls are old enough and weigh enough to be in just booster seats, with just a safety belt. In my experience, my children are less likely to get out of their belts if they are in a more difficult seat to be in, like their Britax seat.
Aubrey had been complaining that it was hard for her to rebuckle her seat that is between her legs. When I went back to fix it, her shorts were in the way and made it difficult for her to have buckled all the way. Her chest was buckled properly and had been loosened by herself because she said she hurt sitting in her seat. Your photo of my daughter without my permission is going to be looked into as far as legality is concerned. I didn't get asked, I haven't found it as a written law... I think I'm gonna win this one.
So for the above reasons, my ticket will be dismissed for the CHILD ENDANGERMENT. Even though you said you should have written me two, I thank you for your generous nature, to dig so deep as to pull out your white notebook/cheat sheet to write me that violation. May your bonus check be depleted once you realize you wrote an unnecessary ticket. I prayed last night to forgive you... it's coming along.
As far as speeding is concerned. I have not had a ticket in 9 years. NINE! That being said, I don't think I would start getting a ticket now. You stated to me I was going 82 in a 65. To you sir, I say that is impossible. I will take blame for 72 miles an hour, for which I had my cruise control set to, so I could get my daughter Faith to the bathroom as fast as safely possible. My eyes were on the road, in my rear view, and trying to manage the backseat. I could not see my daughter, Aubrey behind me - to which you afforded me the lovely endangerment ticket, but could see that Faith had loosened her belts and was in discomfort.
You said you were a parent yourself. For your children I worry. You probably walk around the house, threatening your children with handcuffs and your baton in order to have strict compliance. You would be best suited with the baton up your *ahem* where it belongs.
To the State of Oregon - I applaud you for hiring the most asinine and insane officers - who know no better than to write a plethora of tickets to meet their quota. With all the medical bills I have had to be out here lately and the cost of their co-pays, the prescriptions I carry, and the fact that I run my house as a single mom, as Jason lives and works in Oregon, you are penalizing me above and beyond what's fair.
I am rendering in my mind, the most wonderful judge, who will see my side of the story, and will reprimand you for writing an unnecessary ticket. May I never have to drive to Oregon again, except to show for this ticket and say good riddance, you suck!
~Soap Box Amy
-"Are you still at the Nampa address it shows on your lisence?" - 'Why no, officer, I have updated the DMV, they don't offer replacements for this, and because this change is on file, this is why I am able to register my vehicle at the address on my receipt for payment of my tags that are yet to arrive.' (by the way officer 'tard, I had the written change of address on reverse where they say to write it)
-"And your tags aren't here because...?" 'Well, officer, like I said, I paid them online with the renewal postcard that comes in the mail, it can take two weeks, they said to leave the receipt in the car as proof.'
-"Go fix your daughter's seat" (so I go to belt her down....) "WAIT! GET IN THE CAR!" So I return to my seat - he comes back with a digital camera and tells Aubrey "I'm going to take a picture, okay?" - to which she replies nothing, and he still snaps a photograph.... "Now you can fix it...
~~
My condolences to you and your terrible day yesterday that gave you permission to write me as many tickets as you could find, pummel me into the ground with your words and questions, and give my children nightmares of law enforcement.
First and foremost - I would like to address the fact that you wrote me for " 811.210 - stating a violation of child endangerment/seatbelt" - Officer Harris, what I would like to point out to you is that my children who are both over the age of FIVE and weigh more than 40 lbs a piece do not require a five point restraint system. However, I am an overly paranoid mother, strapping them into their Britax car seats and often making them uncomfortable doing so.
When it comes to installation of car seats, I passed with flying colors in 2010 at the Middleton car seat safety check. They said they hadn't seen an installation job so well. I SIT in my childrens' seats while I pull the belts that latch my kids seats to the car, I don't use a safety belt. There is no way that those seats will move in a wreck.
However, that being stated, my children are old enough and smart enough to reach between their legs and grab the lever that loosens the straps and wiggle about. My children had spend about 12 hours in a car in the last 24 hours and were having a hard time sitting still. It caught my attention that they were doing more wiggling than necessary, so when I turned for a moment to check the back seat, I apologize I wasn't checking my odometer. My child was complaining for about twenty minutes that her stomach had hurt and that she needed to go to the bathroom and her belts were hurting her. So for Faith to have loosened her belts, I can understand that. Even still - the rubberized grips on the child harness systems will grab onto children's clothing/body/etc in the event of a wreck, therefore making them safer than other seats, and just a seat belt and booster alone.
My two girls are old enough and weigh enough to be in just booster seats, with just a safety belt. In my experience, my children are less likely to get out of their belts if they are in a more difficult seat to be in, like their Britax seat.
Aubrey had been complaining that it was hard for her to rebuckle her seat that is between her legs. When I went back to fix it, her shorts were in the way and made it difficult for her to have buckled all the way. Her chest was buckled properly and had been loosened by herself because she said she hurt sitting in her seat. Your photo of my daughter without my permission is going to be looked into as far as legality is concerned. I didn't get asked, I haven't found it as a written law... I think I'm gonna win this one.
So for the above reasons, my ticket will be dismissed for the CHILD ENDANGERMENT. Even though you said you should have written me two, I thank you for your generous nature, to dig so deep as to pull out your white notebook/cheat sheet to write me that violation. May your bonus check be depleted once you realize you wrote an unnecessary ticket. I prayed last night to forgive you... it's coming along.
As far as speeding is concerned. I have not had a ticket in 9 years. NINE! That being said, I don't think I would start getting a ticket now. You stated to me I was going 82 in a 65. To you sir, I say that is impossible. I will take blame for 72 miles an hour, for which I had my cruise control set to, so I could get my daughter Faith to the bathroom as fast as safely possible. My eyes were on the road, in my rear view, and trying to manage the backseat. I could not see my daughter, Aubrey behind me - to which you afforded me the lovely endangerment ticket, but could see that Faith had loosened her belts and was in discomfort.
You said you were a parent yourself. For your children I worry. You probably walk around the house, threatening your children with handcuffs and your baton in order to have strict compliance. You would be best suited with the baton up your *ahem* where it belongs.
To the State of Oregon - I applaud you for hiring the most asinine and insane officers - who know no better than to write a plethora of tickets to meet their quota. With all the medical bills I have had to be out here lately and the cost of their co-pays, the prescriptions I carry, and the fact that I run my house as a single mom, as Jason lives and works in Oregon, you are penalizing me above and beyond what's fair.
I am rendering in my mind, the most wonderful judge, who will see my side of the story, and will reprimand you for writing an unnecessary ticket. May I never have to drive to Oregon again, except to show for this ticket and say good riddance, you suck!
~Soap Box Amy
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